I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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