Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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