we have pet lesbian snakes
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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