I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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