Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize