well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize