Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
