I am puke
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
