I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
