If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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