There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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