he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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