Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
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