i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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