There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
