dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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