No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
