Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
