Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
