Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
