I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Boobs speak an international language.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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