I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
