Apparently you make a good broom.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
