just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
