Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
