Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
i think i just lost a toe
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
