Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
