i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
