my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
