I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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