I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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