THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
