youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
