Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
