Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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