eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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