me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
