All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
