My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
