THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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