I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
