Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
