It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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