Duck Duck Cougar?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
