yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
