I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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