So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
