i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
