I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
