She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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