Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
