I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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