One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
