Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
