nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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