i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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