It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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