So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
My pussy is not your playground.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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