we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
