Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
