dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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