So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
