So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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