I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
pray to the hookup gods
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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