Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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