smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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