The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
