hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
