Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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