I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
