Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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